Mindfulness (Chapter 2 in Resilient)

Mindfulness
It is snowing in my neighborhood! As I watched the snow fall  this morning while eating breakfast, I shifted from a frenetic mind to a peaceful mind. And I thought 'ahhh now is the time to write about mindfulness'. Mindfulness was awakened when I became mesmerized by falling snow, as plans were canceled, and while noticing the cheerfulness and quietude that accompanies snow.

​Noticing Challenges To Mindfulness
I have struggled to make time to sit and finalize this summary. I have read the chapter, multiple times, been practicing moments of mindfulness and wrote a draft (that I have now undone). Yet until today I had not set aside enough time to be thoughtful and write. Writing for me is a form of mindfulness - so judgement kicked in - I am supposed to be practicing mindfulness this month so why the delay. And then I remember January's chapter - Compassion - I can ask the same question "why the delay?" with kindness in my heart. And the answer is busyness, I had a lot of goals the last two weeks and I feel proud about what I did accomplish. As I notice the shift in kind awareness for myself, I see this as an example of practicing coming back to "this moment as it is". 

Summary of Resilient: Mindfulness
[Note: This is a deep and extensive chapter. Within it are two critical components of what Rick Hanson, Ph.D. teaches: (1) his core practice for changing our neural pathways and (2) his teachings about wants, needs, responding, and reacting.]

Rick describes mindfulness as "staying present in this moment as it is, moment after moment". When we are being mindful there is a "receptive and accepting" mindset with no desire to change the moment and no judgment. This means that we have many opportunities to practice, it is not just meditation. Yes one way is meditation, but it is also "awakening" to any moment, getting lost in thoughts, and then reawakening again. The more we practice this skill of returning to this moment with kindness, the more opportunities we have to be fully aware and engaged in life. 

Rick offers many examples of ways to tune into a moment. I'd like to point out two that are useful in moments of distress.
(1) The Find A Refuge mindfulness exercise: a place that protects, nurtures, and uplifts you. This can be a literal place, a person, a pet, a daily routine, or a memory. So when a day is challenging you can take a brief pause thinking of your favorite nature scene. Or you can know that you will have your evening routine, your pet, or loved one to turn to at the end of the day. Since there are uncertainties in life, it is handy to have multiple sources of refuge in your life.
(2) The basic Let Be, Let Go, Let In mindfulness exercise: This is Rick's core practice and the way towards making changes in your neural network. In this chapter he recommends the process as a way to move through an upset. As you notice stress, hurt, or anger you Let Be by noting what is happening in your body, what emotions are arising, and move your thoughts to be on your own side with compassion. Next you move into Let Go, which is at your own pace. Here you let tension drain out of your body, such as by exhaling it out or doing muscle relaxation. You can even share your negative experience with another as long as you and the listener help turn away from negative thoughts, such as by challenging the story you are telling yourself or seeing the bigger picture. And the final step is to Let In, which is the key to changing neural pathways. Move into this stage as you notice tension naturally decreasing. You can begin by noticing lessons learned from the experience and bringing to mind what you'd like to invite into your mind, body, and life experience. Such as if you started with feelings of anger towards a situation, invite in compassion for yourself and others involved. Or if focusing on the situation directly is too challenging use a visual representation, such as a frozen stream filled with stuck debris that melts as the sun comes out and listening to the water begin to flow and turn clear. 

To gain the full benefit of Rick's practices we must mindfully tune into our wants and needs, and then notice if we are responding or reacting. We begin this process by noticing our wants, which sometimes are possible and helpful and at other times are unattainable and/or unhealthy. Regardless, Rick believe that under every want is a healthy need. While being mindful we can translate our want into one of three core needs and then identify the related thoughts and feelings we have about it. Lastly we can continue using mindfulness to more effectively meet our need and accept ourselves. 

The three basic human needs that Rick identifies are: Safety, Satisfaction, and Connection. Safety is about staying alive and avoiding dangers. Satisfaction is about sustaining being alive with some sense of fulfillment. Connection is about our core human need for belonging by attaching socially to others. To meet our needs, Rick explains how to move from reactive emotions to responsive (mindfulness based) emotions. Using the Let Be, Let Go, and Let In mindfulness process he walks us through internally satisfying our own needs. The basic summary of each is as follows (from page 38-39 and is explored in detail up to page 47):
Safety Mindfulness Exercise: Notice when you feel uneasy, irritated, or overwhelmed. See if any beliefs that may not actually be true are making you anxious. When it feels right, shift into letting go and letting in, such as finding refuges and settling as best you can into a place of peace.
Satisfaction Mindfulness Exercise: Be aware of any feelings of boredom, disappointment, frustration, or loss. After you've explored this experience, you could think of things you're grateful for or glad about. See if you can find a sense of contentment. 
Connection Mindfulness Exercise: Notice when you feel hurt, resentment, envy, loneliness, or inadequacy. Then recall times when you felt cared about - and times when you felt friendly or caring yourself. Rest in love flowing in and flowing out. 

As we begin the process, it might feel daunting to come up with ways to let go and let in. Keep practicing, look for support, and keep reading. Throughout the remainder of the book Rick will continue to expand on mindsets and skills that will strengthen our abilities for embracing positive thoughts, qualities, and experiences. 

Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness
by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Forrest Hanson, copyright 2018
Chapter 2, pages 23-48