Making sense of other people's choices

​Making Sense of Other People's Choices.
Feel your disappointment, confusion, and anger. But don't stop there. Staying in a mindset of resistance and judgment will maintain a state of division. Certainly there are components in other people's choices that could intensify our frustrations and divide us further. However, to move towards unity we need to first process our feelings and then find components and motivations that will help us align, understand, and rebuild our common humanity. 

Why put in the effort. 
Your actions matter. Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke about Loving Your Enemies on November 17, 1957 stating "Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." A very pronounced example of efforts creating a difference is from my hometown of Portland, Oregon. On May 17, 2019 Keanon Lowe, the football coach at Parkrose High School, disarmed a student by hugging them and prevented a school tragedy. No one was injured because this human being offered love to another human being.

Shift your mindset and return to loving actions.
When you are willing and ready, move towards love, as Kamala Harris said, on November 7, 2024, "live our lives by treating one another with kindness and respect, by looking in the face of a stranger and seeing a neighbor, by always using our strength to lift people up, to fight for the dignity that all people deserve." This may feel like no easy task right now when their is disappointment and frustration. As a therapist, I turn towards various techniques to help me "walk in other people's shoes." (1) I keep in mind that if I lived the life you had lived I would feel the same way as you. This can be a big stretch if you really don't understand a person's life, so begin by getting curious about others. Ask and listen. Find out their history, hurts, and values. (2) Use the ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) concept of values based action to understand motivating factors. This entails identifying what value drove your choice and what value drove another's choice. For example: If a person's values related to which produce to buy is driven by how it impacts the earth and your body, they would likely buy organic produce. If a person's values in purchasing produce is based on price alone, they would obviously buy the least expensive option. Most of us can understand and relate to a time when finances had to be the driving force in our decisions, which required us to deprioritize other values. (3) I'm reading that recent choices were motivated by wanting a "better" life. Some people are remembering their life as "better" 6 years ago. We don't all have the same idea of what "better" looks like, yet can't we all related to a longing for a "better" life. By identifying a longing, need, or desire that "makes sense" to us, we can find unity with others through our shared humanity.