Learning (Chapter 3 in Resilient)

Learning
I typically consider myself to be capable of learning most anything. My brain gets satisfaction from memorizing things (temporarily) and regurgitating it to pass an exam. This served me well as a child, teen, and adult. But this isn't the learning skill Rick is asking us to grow. He wants to help us understand how to change our brains.

Summary of Resilient: Learning
​Rick's primary focus in this chapter is to help us change our brains by learning how to grow inner resources/strengths that would help us most in our lives. As a therapist, I see three skills that assist us in the process of learning to change the brain. (1) Using mindfulness and self-awareness to identify what is painful. (2) Distancing ourselves from what is painful to decrease reactivity. (3) Identifying/growing something within to meet the unmet need. This chapter highlights two skills/exercises to change the brain (1) identifying challenges and (2) growing desired/positive experiences. ​
Identifying Challenges Exercise: Consider what emotional/life experience is troubling you the most. Rick believes that identifying the specific issue and narrowing it down to the category/categories at play is beneficial to help prepare for the HEAL exercise. 
Safety Challenges: Pain, threat, immobilization, anxiety, anger, powerlessness.
Satisfaction Challenges: Blocks to reaching a goal, failure, loss of property, life with little pleasure, disappointment, frustration, boredom. 
Connection Challenges: Interpersonal conflict, rejection, loss, devaluation, loneliness, hurt, resentment, envy, inadequacy, shame. 
HEAL Exercises: After we identify which category our life challenge falls under we can then practice building an inner experience to respond. HEAL is a short (1-2 minutes) mindfulness exercise. The letters H-E-A-L stand for a 4 step process: (1) Have a positive experience with the use of "being on your own side" and remembering a past experience, having an imagined experience, or creating an experience. (2) Enrich the experience by tuning into the physical sensations and emotional reaction. Notice what about the positive experience is important and valuable to you. These reflections will help intensify the feelings within you. (3) Absorb the experience of having/enriching by imaging it sinking into you, energizing, and/or nurturing you. (4) Link the experience to the earlier identified challenge in life. Rick offers three different levels of intensity for linking. At any point if you feel the negative experience overtaking you, he recommends pulling away from the linking process and returning to only experiencing the positive. Rick identifies the linking step as optional because it may be challenging to do alone and isn't necessary to growing positive feelings. If you feel ready to try it the first step is to link by the "know it" process. With this you have a vague sense of the pain/challenge "over there" while holding the positive experience more close at hand. To increase the intensity of linking use the "feel it" process by having a felt sense of the negative experience but keeping the positive experience brighter/bigger. The highest intensity of linking is to try the "go into it" process. He identifies this as the most effective but riskiest (negative emotions may more easily take over). The challenge is to keep both the positive and negative feelings equally as close/bright in your mind; without letting the negative take over. It's best to build your way up to this level. 
Safety Positive experiences: Being on your own side, determination, grit, sense of agency, feeling protected, clarity about threats, feeling all right right now, calm, relaxation, peace. 
Satisfaction Positive experiences: Gratitude, gladness, pleasure, accomplishment, clarity about goals, enthusiasm, passion, motivation, aspiration, feeling of enough-ness already, contentment.
Connection Positive experiences: Compassion for others and oneself, empathy, kindness, self-worth, skillful assertiveness, forgiveness, generosity, and love. 
Example of a situation and the HEAL exercise: Earlier in the chapter (starting on page 65) Rick references a desire for a romantic partner. This is a desired external experience and "the specific issue". To narrow this down to the category he considers the unmet needs of love, self-worth, and joy with another. This places it primarily in the Connection category. To meet our needs internally, using what is within our power, the HEAL process can offer some fulfillment of your needs. This can be done as a self-care action right now; and if desired in conjunction with taking proactive steps to meet your bigger long term external desire. By doing the self-care steps now and meeting your own needs you can decrease your sense of urgency in getting the external desire met. Rick notes that our unhappiness isn't about the unmet external condition (no romantic partner) but it's actually about the unmet desired experiences (love, self-worth, and joy). Begin the HEAL exercise  by remembering a time you felt loved and joy (or use your imagination to feel that way). Next, enrich the feeling by noticing how the feeling of love, worth, and joy impacts you; such as your thoughts, body sensations, posture, and emotions. Then, absorb the experience by imaging it warming you like the sun or like water filling up a dry sponge. Finally, if desired, try the linking portion and start slowly. As you stay with the positive experience inside you imagination, try holding the previously felt negative feelings off in the distance, like a vague whisper or image. Allowing the positive feelings to offer comfort and healing directly towards the negative experience.

Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness
by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Forrest Hanson, copyright 2018
Chapter 3, pages 49-73