Labels

Labels
I have a history of difficult experiences at dentist offices. So the label "dentist", for much of my life, had a very negative connotation. I had a fear that any "dentist" would cause me harm. So much so that when I was single and dating I would have avoided dating a dentist. In more recent years I stumbled upon a dentist that overcame that "bad" label. His kindness, personality, and approach 

diffuses my fears and when I'm in the chair I have trust in him and the process. Even with the intense sounds and occasional pain I am able to remember his positive intention of care for me that is infused in his recommendations and his actions.

This example of labeling comes to mind this week because I had an urgent dental need and was considering avoiding going in. My fear spiked because I didn't want to deal with anticipated pain from a dental procedure during the week of Thanksgiving. I called anyway and feel immense gratitude due to his validation and care. My tooth needed a simple fix and now I'm able to enjoy the weekend. Plus we found connection while sharing about our Thanksgiving traditions and plans. I left feeling uplifted since we bonded over our similar histories and were curious about our differing traditions. 

Labels Are Meant To Help Us
As we begin to gather and connect with our loved ones let us keep in mind how we are labeling them. Does it make us think of them as "good" or "bad"? Our brains are designed to create labels as part of the process of categorizing and determining safety. Yet when we label someone as "bad" we are cutting off our ability to understand their core intention. In the past the label of "dentist" said to me "danger". It was not helpful for me to see danger at the dental office. This led to tension, fear, and avoidance which ultimately caused me harm and created disconnection from kind and caring human beings. 

For me the most helpful way to do this is to look beyond the label and understand a person's positive intention. With the dentist, I now keep in mind he is intending to help and care for me. Even though there has been unintentional harm in the past (sometimes temporary and sometimes permanent); I can see beyond the results and hold a belief that dentists are "good and safe" allowing me to relax and even enjoy my time spent in the dental chair connecting with my dentist and hygienist as they care for my health. 

Our brains are designed to label so let's use this skill to our benefit. Try digging deeper, go beyond seeing labels of a person that have an underlying "bad" context in your mind. Look for labels that indicate safety and goodness such as seeing someone as kind, thoughtful, or generous. Identify their positive intention or shared values. For me it has been well worth the effort in many areas of my life and I hope that you find this is true for you as well.