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Gratitude I have personally struggled to use gratitude. In my 20s and 30s I read a lot of self-help books and they frequently suggested a gratitude journal. I hated doing it and if I even bothered starting, I stopped early on. I don't recall the external excuses I used, but as I look back on that time in my life naming my personal successes and building a sense of self-efficacy would have been a better start for me. And although Rick Hanson did not call this chapter Gratitude and Self-Appreciation; he does teach us how to build an inner sense of both gladness and success within the chapter. Summary of Resilient: Gratitude
Rick encourages us to see that we can enjoy what is good within our lives, even though there are challenges being faced at the same moment. Tuning into the visceral feeling of appreciation, joy, or recognition (to name a few) is an important aspect of experiencing (rather than just listing) gratitude. From here Rick recommends using the HEAL process (chapter 3) to solidify gladness. He noted some of us may have blocks to feeling pleasure and recommends using the Let Be, Let Go, and Let In exercise (chapter 2). Rick believes as we build a sense of pleasure and satisfaction within ourselves that this will lead to decreased seeking for satisfying pleasure outside of ourselves. He next touches on building a sense of Success within. One way to do this is to identify process goals (your values, aims, intentions exhibited during the process of seeking to accomplish a goal) and noticing your success in using them during your movement towards a goal. The final outcome of a project is often outside our control, so looking at "how" you go about pursuing your goals and celebrating that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Due to negativity bias we are very likely to overestimate our failures and ignore our successes. So I personally believe that becoming a detective, watching for moments of success, is critical to building a sense of self-efficacy. Rick continues to encourage the use of the HEAL process, to fully solidify the experience in your neural pathways to take full advantage of the positive feelings and allow them to help you improve your sense of self. One last piece of this chapter is Altruistic Joy - the feeling of being happy for others. Noticing and appreciating the success or joy of another person is as easy as walking outside of your home. However, first we may need to use Let Be, Let Go, and Let In to drop any feelings of envy or jealousy. Next we can celebrate the blessings in the lives of others and use HEAL to take in the feeling gladness within. Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Forrest Hanson, copyright 2018 Chapter 5, pages 95-108 Comments are closed.
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