Generosity (chapter 12 in resilient)

Reflection On Resilient: Generosity
December feels like a great month for this topic. And not because of gift giving, but for the generous spirit. Sure giving (and receiving) gifts can be fun, however it's the generosity of inclusion, kindness, and forgiveness that helps us come together and be at peace. 

Summary of Resilient: Generosity
Rick Hanson covers four topics in the final chapter - giving, compassion, forgiveness, and moving from "them" thinking to an"us" mindset. I'd like to focus the summary points on forgiveness, as this is so often a challenge that leaves us feeling unwell.
* Full Pardon Forgiveness: This is where you "wipe the slate clean" and continue on in the relationship. A full pardon is easiest to do when a person can admit what they did, show remorse, make amends, and take steps to repair. Consider their perspective and see the whole person are two skills that can help us forgive others.
* Disentangled Forgiveness: This is a way to allow yourself to move on, regardless of how the other person responds. You can release yourself from the hurt and decide to limit, shrink, or end relationships to protect yourself (not to hurt those who have hurt you).
* Forgiving Yourself: To start you have to take full responsibility for everything you did. From there we can feel "appropriate remorse" and repair and make amends as best you can. Have compassion for yourself by understanding your life and history to understand what contributed to your choice. Lastly, ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself. Rick recommends we give ourselves a full pardon and fresh start.

Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness
by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Forrest Hanson, copyright 2018
Chapter 12, pages 239-257